Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Broken Hearts

Broken hearts. Tough. Seems like a good topic since we're surrounded by hearts this time of year.
I'm not talking about your heart, I'm talking about your kid's heart, and you may or may not know that it's been broken. We all go through it, it's part of that "life experience" thing, but just like so many other aspects of being a parent ... you wish your kid didn't have to go through the pain.
Well they do.
Now the questions that arise as a parent (assuming you know) are:
What do you say?
What kind of advice can you give?
Do they WANT your advice?
Is this a time to share one of your broken heart stories?
Do you jump in the car and "drive to the rescue?"
Does there need to be an intervention?
Is that person you, to be doing the intervening? A roommate? A good buddy?
Well there are several different scenarios I've heard about: from jumping on a plane and "flying to the rescue!" not doing anything but listening,... to calling a good buddy and asking if they'd check in on the broken hearted,... to ignoring the situation and pretending it's not happening to your kid (now that's a good parent)...
I think as their Mom (or Dad) you need to gage your own child...listen for those various flags or a girlfriend shared with me, "I was super concerned about the spiral downward, he sounded so bummed out, I couldn't just sit back and watch and wait, I had to get a visual, I didn't want him to do anything drastic!" FYI: She and Dad went to the big city, got a visual, helped their son move (now that's a whole new entry, living together!) did some major cheerleading, told their tales, suggested strategies that their son might use to keep moving forward, suggested activities to get involved with after work, exercising, etc. And now it's all good.
As for other scenarios, it may be more of a bruised ego than an actual broken heart, but I must confess, sometimes it's really hard to tell the difference at the time.
I know some of you are thinking to yourself, butt out, tell your kid "you're sorry it didn't work out" and that's it. Move on! Maybe so.
What do you think?
My poor kids have heard my tales of whoa. I'm not sure that's a good or bad thing, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time?!? Why let my kids think that I have no idea how they may or may not be feeling, right? Emapthy's a good thing.
The other thing you may be thinking, is tell your kid "to get back on the horse," (sorry) "to get back out there..."
"no groveling!"
"no begging to be taken back!"
"this too shall pass"
This is always a fave....NOT!
"there are other fish in the sea!" those! :)
In my experience, broken hearts mend and you learn from them! Hopefully.

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Miss Joyce said...
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