Tech Support

Back in May I blogged about this technology stuff ... well, here we are, 8 months later and I'm going to give you an update. It seems fitting what with all of the press about Apple's iPad launch yesterday, folks are talking about tech...

Since May I have become an official Facebooker, I've gotten an iPhone (I'm a bit of an addict,) I'm blogging, I'm tweeting, I'm texting, I'm working on my Gchatting (there have been some complaints from my peanut gallery that I'm a lousy Gchatter. Can I help it if I leave Gmail open and walk away from my computer a lot, or if I'm not a terrific multi tasker when it comes to the computer!?) I have apps on my iPhone that I actually use...

How did this happen? Well, thank goodness for my tech support! My kids! They're part of the GenY generation, they've been brought up on this stuff!

My kids have been incredibly helpful getting me set up, communicating and sharing various apps I should take a look at, or websites I should check out...I was informed by Stanford that if I wanted to hear news about my upcoming reunion, I needed to join Facebook, because that's how they were going to communicate. My kids tend to text me now, more and more, just with a quick check in. I take loads of pictures, I used to leave them on my computer, just "sitting there", now I actually do something with them, whether it's on Facebook or making a book through Shutterfly or Apple. I took advantage of Apple's personal trainers, a really good deal and those guys are really helpful. I heeded my own advice about tutors and my kids, get the fight out of the kitchen, talk to a neutral party and get help...it's good advice. Everyday things seem to be changing and between my kids, reading various newspapers and periodicals (which I'm doing more and more online or through the kindle) and my "personal trainer" I think I'm doing pretty well for a Baby Boomer. I really want to encourage you to get with the program. Don't dig in your heels on this. Ask your kids for help, hire someone, ask your friends, your work colleagues...just do it!

I must say, this is so much fun! And I am incredibly thankful to my tech support for their patience and help. I think they think they've created a monster though!

It Takes a Village!

It sure does! That good ol' African proverb sums it right up. Our kids are figuring out more and more that they really need to depend on their "village" or network of family and friends in this rough economy.

I hear more and more stories from friends and associates about their 20 somethings (Gen Y) coming home. They're not coming home necessarily because they want to, it wasn't their first choice, but it's a "have to."

I'm also hearing more and more tales about the connections our friends are offering to our kids. It's good old fashioned networking! I blogged about connections back in June, but what's different now, or at least is more on my radar screen, is that the networking thing seems to have expanded.
What am I talking about? Well, the traditional kind of networking, finding out from your parents who they might know in a particular area of interest, to help introduce you to a potential job or internship...that still is happening and should be happening, but kids that have had jobs for a few years out of college and now find themselves unemployed, they're being forced to re-think things, maybe reinvent themselves.

Kids, ask questions. Sit down and talk to your parents or friends of your parents, or older siblings of your friends... and ask them about how they got to where they are? What was the road they traveled? If they had to do it over would they do the same thing? If not, how would they? What do they know about the qualifications needed in their field of work today? What do they look for? What kind of "credentials?"

I know my kids have had the good fortune of being able to speak to some really wonderful friends and they've learned a lot! They may or may not follow their advice or the same path, but it's been terrific experiences and it's created relationships of their own! (They may have gotten in the door because of my husband or me, but now they can pick up the phone themselves.) Over the years those relationships can prove to be invaluable. Who knows where they might be and what their circumstances will be. Not to mention, kids seem to listen a little sharper to others rather than their mother. :)

I'm a groupie!

Yep, it's true. I'm a groupie of our kids; these Gen Y-ers, these twenty somethings. I'm a little discriminating... but not much, I just love hearing about what these kids are up to, what they're doing with their lives, what choices they're making and if I have the opportunity, I try to follow them. I'm not talking about my own kids, that's a given, but I'm talking about the kids of my friends and family, kids that are friends of my kids...

Well, I have something fun to report...due to my groupie-esque tendency, I was invited to have a cameo in a webisode! A what? OK, I'll back up... a friend's son and daughter in law write and edit for a webisode called "Chaos Theory." When I heard about this I was intrigued and asked, "what the heck is a webisode?" Well for those of you parents or Boomers like me that are new to this term, it's a short episode of a collection of episodes that make up a storyline on the Internet, rather than TV. In this case, it's kind of like a mini soap opera based on the lives' of Gen Yers Jess Fletcher and her friends living in New York City...and all that that entails. Well, I started at the beginning with no expectations and found myself pushing the "next" arrow after each of the episodes. Suddenly, I was hooked. These segments are only about 7-10 minutes long and they're about a fragment of the day in the life of one of these young people. Not only can I personally relate to numerous topics having lived in a city after college myself, but I can relate because I have kids that are doing it now.

A friend of mine has stated, on numerous occasions, that I am a "TV person" and it's true, I am. I like TV. I learn from it, I watch it, I often have it on as company... as background noise. My husband used to tease me when the lamaze instructor told us 26 years ago that our babies in utero would already be used to our voices when they were born because they could hear us, he said, "oh good, my baby will recognize David Hartman's voice (he was on GMA back then), because he's around more than I am!" I have always watched the shows my kids watched, not necessarily because I liked them, often times I did, but because I wanted to know what they were interested in and what they were learning or being influenced by. It's a window into their world. The added benefit to watching television with your kids (this was before TiVo and my knowing how to tape shows on my VHS) was that it prompted all kinds of good conversation. Anyway, I digress.

Back to my webisode... and my cameo ...

What was fun about all of this was the exchange... (I had no idea that my neighbors had mentioned to their son that I had become a fan of the show.)
I'm riding on a chairlift and I get a Facebook message from their son, Jim (and oh btw, we were not friends on Facebook.) How'd I get this message? My iPhone and Facebook app., both of which are a result of the strong influence my kids have on me. (My own personal, "tech support.) Asking if I'd be willing to "play" a "perky flight attendant." And that we could do it over the phone because they were interested in my voice. With no hesitation I responded in text format, "I'm in!" Then Jim responded back in text format, setting the segment up and my lines... I was the voice over the loudspeaker when the plane hit some turbulence. When he recorded this we did it over Gmail's video chat (again, the result of my personal tech support.) It was a kick! He was very professional and very helpful in the debut of my (cough) acting career, and I really enjoyed asking him about this Internet program format and how it was going and how they're paying for it and its' future? A real learning for me.

Well, this hasn't aired yet and for all I know my few sentences may end up on the editing room floor, but nonetheless, I continue to be a groupie and I really appreciated the experience. I learned a lot! Who needs Bridge to ward off Alzheimer's?

*Side note: if you want to "catch up" on the "Chaos Theory" before my cameo voice appearance:
http://phoebetv.com/chaos-theory/index.html

:)

All under one roof...for the moment

Happy New Year! It's been ages I know. No real excuses except that it's been the holidays, need I say more?

We did it, we had another Christmas with all four kids (Gen Yers) under one roof! Why do I make a big deal about it? Because I can feel the shift happening...it's been more than a few years that we've had all four for New Year's...ever since high school the kids have chosen to go elsewhere, (much more fun to be without parents on New Year's Eve, don'tchyaknow) and now that they're older, it's not so much "without parents" it's all about wanting to be with their peers, their significant others...I get that. But Christmas...it's different... With two kids in the real world making decisions about how they spend their paid vacation time, that particular holiday, depending on how it falls in the week, can reak havoc with the "days" off they get and whether or not they can make the trek home, using days off for travel. I know our Christmases as a nuclear family are numbered and that's OK, it's how it's supposed to be, but I treasure the ones that we've had.

You know it's different when it's just your own nuclear family than when you add in grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and I'm told that it's a more significant difference when it's a significant other of one of your kid's. Over the years your family has become accustomed to the various family nuances that grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. have, but with a significant other they come to the table from a whole other family and traditions. Not to mention privacy. There have been many movies made on the subject of going home for the holidays and all that's entailed and I can certainly relate. But I relate to the part of being the "out-law" and what it's like joining another family during a holiday celebration. What's different for me is being that family and having someone joining our celebration. This is going to be an adjustment. Now I don't want to over think this, because it has happened yet. And I'm sure it's going to be fine, but I do know that I have a wee bit of trouble sharing nicely in the sandbox. I love having everyone to my sandbox, I just don't like it when some have to go to other's sandboxes. Do you know what I mean?

A close girlfriend of mine now has a married daughter and this was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas navigating these waters. Well, Thanksgiving the newlyweds went to the bride's family's and Christmas to the groom's. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, after checking in: From my girlfriend's perspective (the Mom perspective, which of course I relate to) Thanksgiving was great because everyone was together plus one (the groom); they had an "early Christmas" with the newlyweds, but the siblings couldn't be there because of school and job. In retrospect that may have been kind of nice...alone time with the newlyweds. But when the actual holiday came, the dynamic was different without their daughter. Oh it was nice and everyone had a good time, but when the phone rang and it was the daughter calling from her inlaws...it was a serious pull to the ol' heartstrings. For both mother and daughter. Everyone kept a stiff upper lip and shared each of their Christmases via the phone... but were a few tears shed after hanging up? Not that everyone's not happy for the newlyweds new life together and all that goes with it, just a little cry over missing times gone by. I know that will be me! I'm going to have to work on this!

'Tis the holiday season!

Merry, merry and happy, happy!
They're home or they're coming home! I love this time of year, but I won't lie, it's an adjustment for everybody! If you haven't had a houseful this past semester then you know what I'm talking about. Just when you had things where you liked them, the gas gauge on your vehicle where you remember leaving it, the food in the fridge that you knew would be there to make dinner...it all changes...but there's more to it than that.

Think back to when you were in their shoes. They have been living on their own, making their own decisions and choices about things. They've been deciding when to come home at night, (no curfews at college), when to eat and sleep, how long to sleep, maybe they've been taking naps during the course of the day. What they eat, when they study, when and how much they exercise. You have not been a factor in the structure of their day. Where we parents run into trouble is if we instantly regress and go back to the time when we did structure their days. Not a good idea. There will be conflicts a-go-go.

I know I blogged about a related timeframe when they come home for the summer (blog: Summer They're Pushing the envelope), but somehow the holiday timeframe is different. Maybe because it's a compressed period, maybe because there's more emotion associated with the holidays, maybe it's because there's a bit of a competition for your kid's time: their friends want to see and spend time with them and so do you and their siblings. It's tough to be so popular! :)

They are usually completely exhausted when they first come home. They've been burning the midnight oil, cramming a semester's worth of material into their brains, probably not eating well and most likely they're sick with a cold or worse. What I've learned through my kids, is let them sleep. Everyone's happier if your kid is rested. Some good home-cooked meals tends to be appreciated and if you're really nice, you've scheduled those doctor and dental visits for a little later in their vacation. I have that image of the Wizard of Oz when the Scarecrow, Tinman, Cowardly Lion and Dorothy all get fixed up for their visit to the Wizard, that's what it must feel like to our kids when they are home.

A friend forwarded me a good email that George Washington University's Director of Parent Services sent out. (Interesting job title, don't you think? What a reputation we parents have!) Basically he said, that it's an adjustment for everyone, a transition for everyone and there needs to be communication about expectations from both parties. Hear! Hear! I think that's the key, communicate! Let your kids know what are MFO's (mandatory family obligations) and what aren't, what your expectations are about when they come home: how late friends can stay at night, who's doing their laundry, what meals you expect them at, use of the car....believe me, when you have this conversation they'll chime in their expectations and there may have to be some compromises. Depending on who you talk to in our household, I think my kids would feel differently about who's compromised most. But that's not the point, having everyone under the same roof, co habitating and enjoying each other's company, that's the goal!

Have you made reservations?

That's right, you! I've learned over the years that if you want to see your kids over the holidays (at a reasonable price), you better be actively involved in the reservation making! So if you haven't made those flight reservations for Thanksgiving, you're really pushing the proverbial envelope. I've just checked some websites and to travel Wed. through Sunday of Thanksgiving, fahgetaboutit.... The prices are going up. And going up a lot. And the availability is the pits, unless you want to travel on turkey day, which is a bummer. So if you want to see them over the holidays, get on the computer!

Negotiating these plans is an interesting process. When they're in college, you know when their breaks are and you assume that the holidays "belong to you:" they'll be coming home or meeting you somewhere. When they're in the working world, they only get two or three weeks vacation per year, and you may make the assumption that they of course want to spend their time off with you, but not necessarily....

Thus the negotiations begin! A couple of the added bennies we parents have is that we offer the "traditions they grew up with," we stroke the nostalgia key. Who knows, there's a real possibility we might pick up the tab for their travels? Why not sweeten the pot? We might even offer a "destination" vacation. But you better communicate with your kids about all of this: dates, times they're available to travel, etc. You don't want to experience their wrath if you made the wrong assumption. Assume nothing. Talk to them.

One thing is clear though, if you haven't made those reservations, you better get on it... they're not, I suppose they just assume that you're going to "take care of this" and may even pay for this. But speaking as a past retailer and not being able to go home for Christmas those first several years out of college, I have real empathy. It's a real bummer not to be with family over the holidays, so if you can help your Gen Yer avoid that, do! Make those reservations! It's a good gift!

Parents' Influence!

I'm going to throw something out there. I've been "noodling."

There's been a lot written about marketing to various generations and how kids influence their parents' purchases. As a parent of Gen Yers, let me tell you, we parents influence our kids' purchases!

I'll back up. Way back before Gap Kids, 1980ish, my husband was a Boys' buyer at Macy's California. He convinced a couple of outerwear vendors to make the famous "members only" jacket in boys sizes 8-20, well, they blew out the door. Those little boys didn't like the "Little Lord Font Leroy" peter panned collared stuff." I'm exaggerating a tad, but not much. They wanted to look cool, so when Mom took'em shopping,they'd beg and plead for 'members only' and... you know the rest. Well, that kind of thinking evolved and developed into many different businesses, by many different people. Those little darlings influenced our purchases. Fast forward: Now that our kids are older and the price tags for things they want has escalated exponentially AND they don't like to part with their own dough, our kids turn to us for our help and advice on things.

These kids are very knowledgeable and opinionated about electronic purchases, so they tend to take the reins there, but when it comes to buying a bed, or furniture, or housewares, or a suit, or a car... that's where Mom comes in (or Dad). Now I'm not talking about paying for these items, necessarily. I'm talking about the fact that they call us and ask us for our opinions, our suggestions, our recommendations on those big ticket items, where to go, what websites to check, and nine times out of ten they buy what's suggested.

When it came time for my son to get an "interview suit," he didn't head out on his own to make that purchase, WE went. There I was rummaging through the rounder of suits, picking out the wool gabardines, leading him away from the summer khakis, "a wool gabardine will take you through 9 months, a khaki through 3 AND you'll have this suit for years, it's a classic. This is a much better purchase, more bang for the buck," I said. When my daughter was looking for a dining table, same scenario. Both Mom and Dad went recently to the furniture store with our son when he was buying a bed... these are big purchases, they're long term purchases and our kids look to us for guidance, and oh yes, the possibility that we just may pick up the tab. But it's really that they don't want to "go this alone," not when there's serious money involved.

When your Gen Yer graduates from college; no more furnished dorm room, it's time for that apartment and making choices. There's probably a bunch of stuff they can have from the family home, as long as they provide the U-haul and the brawn, but if they don't live close by, that's not necessarily the best option. Some conversations sound like this: "does it make sense to spend X dollars on a brand new rug for the living room that I'll have for years? or Should I go to Target and pick one up that I may only have for a year or two? Should I spend X dollars for a new bed? My back is killing me after a night on a lousy mattress." Our kids are asking for advice on their benefits packages (401ks, insurance, etc.), they're also asking about their "real world" purchases and let's face it, we have influence!